The penultimate Lost Summer is upon us. We have much to discuss. I gotta be real with you.
On Saturday, I was faced with an incredible dilemma. A turning point in my marriage. Perhaps the most difficult and divisive decision of my adult life. No matter what, someone was going to get hurt. It was a choice nobody should ever have to make.
On one hand, I had promised my dog YUMI that I would take her to the Boneyard for a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel “Breed Meetup” on Saturday. The Boneyard rules. You can drink, watch live music, play trivia, eat from vegan food trucks and you can bring your dog and they can do whatever they want and also everyone else’s dogs are there. Barcades and Dog Biergartens have been among the greatest accomplishments of my generation (will ending Democracy be next? Fingers crossed!).
However, on the same day, at the same time, on the opposite side of town, something else was happening that urgently required my attention. I’m of course speaking of the Madison Comic Expo. But it wasn’t the convention proper that made this decision difficult (if not impossible). No, it wasn’t the vendor booths and swag. It wasn’t the celebrity panels and cosplay. It was one thing, and one thing only, that brought me to my knees.
Rachael Leigh Cook.
Laney from She’s All That. Josie from Josie & The Pussycats. The beautiful and classy star of A Christmas Tale, A Blue Ridge Mountain Christmas, Cross Country Christmas, Tis’ The Season To Be Merry, Rescuing Christmas, Autumn In The Vineyard, Summer In The Vineyard and Valentine In The Vineyard. You know who I’m talking about; have you never watched the Hallmark Channel?
I’ve never once paid to have a photo taken with a celebrity. But with Rachael it was totally different, for I was going to ask for her hand in marriage. It…it was totally different.
Faced with the scheduling dilemma, I knew I had to act quick. Surely Ms. Leigh Cook (I believe she’s single; I, of course have been in a relationship for 25 years) wouldn’t return to Madison again for quite some time. However, Cavalier Breed Meetups don’t come YUMI’s way all the often either. The time didn’t work out. I had to pick one- and only one- activity.
I was sick to my stomach. Who was going to get what they wanted. Nay, what they needed.
YUMI wins. There was no other reasonable path forward. I’m sure The Madison Comic Expo is a cool place, but I have to go where my dog gets to feel like this as much as possible.
And if we’re being honest here, communication is a two-way street. How about you consider visiting me a time or two, Ms. Leigh Cook? You know, I’m beginning to think that you don’t even know who I am.
YUMI gets me, and I her. Difficult decision’s are nothing when you see that happy face looking back at you.
No time to waste, let’s get to THE THICK & MEATY!
EPISODE 21: “THE GREATER GOOD”
Flashbacks
Who among us hasn’t been arrested at Heathrow Airport by the CIA on some trumped-up terrorist charge? That’s what I wanna know, and that’s what Sayid wants to know as well. They want Sayid to work as an informant to infiltrate a terrorist cell in Sydney that…you know what? It doesn’t really matter.
What you need to know is that Sayid has been globetrotting in an attempt to find Nadia after he helped her escape from captivity several years ago. The CIA claims to know where she is, and they’ll point Sayid in the right direction if he helps them arrest his old friend, Essam. The Urban Dictionary entry for “Bros Before Hoes” looks to have been created around September of 2004, so Sayid was apparently unfamiliar with the saying at this point in time.
Sayid does his best, but he reveals to Essam that he’s an informant on the day Essam is supposed to carry out a terrorist attack, and Essem responds by unaliving himself. The CIA tells Sayid that Nadia is living in California, and when told that Essam’s body will be cremated, Sayid insists on claiming the body himself, as Essam was a Muslim and Muslims believe in burial, not cremation. The purpose of this flashback was to showcase Sayid’s devotion, conscience of character and salon-quality hair.
On The Island
Boone’s not even in the ground yet, so Shannon is mourning and Jack is stumbling around (down three pints of blood) looking for Locke, who everyone assumes is to blame for Boone’s death. During Boone’s funeral, Locke arrives and attempts to explain what happened, and Jack responds by giving him the ole’ knuckle sandwich.
Elsewhere, Charlie is taking care of Claire’s baby while she rests, and finds that only the sound of Sawyer’s voice can Aaron to sleep. Very comical and humanizing. A fun hang.
Jack stubbornly insists he needs to deal with Locke, so Kate drugs him so he will rest. This will be the first of two straight drink-spikings in two straight Lost episodes. This leaves Sayid to interrogate Locke while he walks him to the downed Beechcraft. During this back-and-forth, Locke reveals to Sayid that it was he who hit Sayid over the head when he was trying to triangulate the distress signal. This enrages Sayid, who pulls a gun on Locke and questions him about the hatch, which Locke denies. Just like when Locke convinced Sayid that it was Sawyer who conked him on the noggin several weeks back, it seems like Sayid is just begging to be manipulated by Locke. It seems like Sayid can see through everyone’s bullshit but Locke’s
When Sayid tells Shannon that he believes Locke did not mean to harm Boone, she enacts a little “Bros Before Hoes”-esque justice of her own and steals the gun case key from Jack while he’s sleeping and acquires a pistol. Confronting Locke in the jungle, she is tackled by Sayid just as she fires at John, the bullet grazing his head.
Now, I’ve watched this clip many times and analyzed the footage. I’ve also compared photos of Locke’s injuries for weeks afterward, and I have come to the conclusion that, while Locke was hit by a bullet fragment, he was not directly struck by the projectile. Locke’s unwillingness to cooperate in the later investigations only further prove my theory. That being said, I think that the rhetoric on the Island has gotten out of hand and needs to be toned down.
That night, Sayid visits Locke, who thanks him for saving his life. Sayid tells Locke to take him to the hatch. Locke tells Sayid to jump up his butt.
EPISODE 22: “BORN TO RUN”
Flashbacks
Kate is changing the license plate of her car, dyeing her hair, taking a shower, as well as claiming a letter under the alias…you know what? It doesn’t really matter.
What you need to know is that Kate is on the run and returning to her hometown in Incognito Mode to visit her dying mother. She meets up with her (now-married) ex-boyfriend (Tom) who is a doctor at the hospital and decides to do what she seemingly does to every man unfortunate enough to slink into her purview, which is to absolutely wreck his shit.
The two dig up a time capsule they buried in 1989. Among the contents are Tom’s toy airplane. With Tom's help, Kate is able to be alone with her mother and apologize for…something. Unappeased, her mother begins to scream for help as Kate flees. Tom gives Kate the keys to his car and climbs in with her. When police try to block their exit from the hospital, Kate implores Tom to leave, but he refuses. Of course this leads to an accident where Tom dies. Kate leaves town, satisfied in another job well done.
On The Island
Hey, a new guy named Dr. Arzt is talking! He’s a science teacher who thinks that monsoon season is coming, therefore the raft must leave immediately before the weather gets worse. I have a feeling that this guy’s gonna be around f—and he exploded.
Nonetheless, this pushes Michael to finish the raft, and Kate wants herself a spot on it. Michael says no; the seats are booked with Sawyer taking the fourth and final spot. Kate does what she does best and gets two men to argue over her, leading to Sawyer confronting Kate about Michael losing faith in his ability to assist on the raft. Sawyer knows Kate is a fugitive and getting off the Island is her only chance to stay free, but he’s still not giving up his spot (Sawyer is “Rows Before Hoes”).
Michael becomes ill while working on the raft. Jack discovers some partially dissolved drugs in a water bottle from which Michael has been drinking. Upon learning of this, the afflicted immediately suspects Sawyer, but Kate also is suspected, leading Jack to confront her about it. She denies any involvement, apparently offended that Jack should think her capable of such a thing (she is).
Walt assures Locke that he is not responsible for poisoning Michael either, fearing that he suspects him after his earlier sabotage of the raft. When Locke touches his arm to assure him that his fears are unfounded, Walt becomes frightened and, despite having no prior knowledge of it, begs Locke not to open “it.” “It” being his pants. Wait…the hatch. I meant the hatch. My wife’s not around to edit my recaps this week, and it clearly shows.
After an exchange involving Pepto-Bismol, an angry Michael kicks Sawyer off of the raft, assuming it was him who poisoned his water. Furious, Sawyer exposes Kate's criminal past to everyone present. Snatching her bag, Sawyer empties it to reveal that Kate has stolen the passport of Joanna, the woman who drowned in “White Rabbit,” in a bid to forge her identity. Kate reluctantly admits the truth that she was the person in the marshal's custody. She had it coming.
Later, Jack confronts Sun (Sun!?) about her poisoning the water bottle. Sun admits that she is the one responsible, explaining that she wanted to keep Jin from leaving, but Michael accidentally drank from his bottle. Later, in a private conversation with Kate, Sun swears not to tell anyone that the drugging was her idea. Sun’s reasoning is flawed, however, for she believes that Kate's idea was hatched for the sole purpose of helping Sun, and Kate never does anything for anyone ever.
Smash cut, two really good episodes over. Make with THE NUMBERS!
4 - In Episode 9 (“Solitary”), Sayid tells Rousseau that Nadia is dead because of him, and that for the past seven years he had been holding on to “a blind hope that somewhere she's still alive.” However, in this episode it is established that Sayid already knew that Nadia was alive (the CIA assured him of that and showed him pictures of her). Now, there’s nothing in the rulebook that says you can’t lie to Rousseau to get her to stop electrocuting you, but it feels a little blooperish.
8 - I got another continuity thing for you, and just like the Scott & Steve Paradox, it was something that the writers acknowledged and fixed later on. In “The Greater Good,” Shannon is shown to know the location of the gun case and the purpose of the key around Jack’s neck, when only Kate, Locke and Jack had been shown to have this knowledge. In Episode 14 of Season 3 (“Expose”), we are told that Kate had earlier let all of this information slip to Shannon when defending the measures taken to secure the guns.
15 - Let’s do another continuity one (that the writers again fixed because you bastards are insatiable and insistent they never cared about you and never answered a single question). Dr. Arzt claims in “Born To Run” that they were on the cusp of monsoon season despite the absence of monsoon weather in the upcoming Season Finale (or thereafter). However, in the Lost: Missing Pieces webisode, they show a scene where Arzt confessed to lying about the weather in order to launch the raft as soon as possible.
16 - I want to acknowledge the acting of Matthew Fox in “The Greater Good,” who I have to assume had a great time acting like a complete maniac who was low on blood and assuming that everyone around him was a useless liar.
23 - Charlie keeps calling Claire’s baby “Turniphead.” It’s a bold strategy to obtain future intercourse; let’s see how that works out for him.
42 - Shannon has no speaking lines in “Born To Run,” her most captivating performance yet.
Before we sign off, here’s a quick video I shot at last weekend’s MIDWESTHETIC show at Gamma Ray right here in Madison. Come out for the next one, I’ll drive.
Thank you very much for reading; sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day. Lost Summer (and Summer Summer, and LatchkeyKid Season 2) comes to a close this Friday.